Be Careful How You Tell Your Story.

In that moment, I was made aware that if the way I presented my testimony ever glorified my sin more than it glorified Him, His anointing would not be on it.

Because I wanted to believe that I was still “kinda saved” while I was living as a lesbian woman, this rebuke really stopped me in my tracks.

He then continued to tell me that I was to never stand on a platform of any kind and tell people that I was both gay and a Christian.

He said that you can tell people that you BELIEVED that you were both of these things at the same time but it was simply not possible for those two things to co-exist within me.

See, I first accepted Christ as my savior when I was 10 years old. But for a couple of months after turning 18, on the living room floor of my first apartment, I wrestled with what I knew about God and what I wanted for my own life.

At that time, I had a girlfriend that I didn’t want to let go of, but I also didn’t want to go to hell if I died.

In preparation of this word, I was studying the different states of the conscience that are present in the Bible and we see variations such as pure, good, undefiled and alternatively, weak, defiled and seared.

Prior to this encounter in prayer, I had concluded that my conscience must have been seared in regards to my sexuality since I did not feel conviction about it during my 20’s, but during this time I also believed that if I were to die, then I would go to heaven.

I felt shame and guilt from others people’s opinions during this time, but not conviction. I did however retain a heightened sense of morality and tried to be a “good person”.

Fast forward to this encounter with Him a couple of months ago, He proceeds to take me back to that time period when I was 18 and showed me, from His perspective, what actually happened.

Essentially He said, “You were begging me to speak to you regarding this, and I did. That’s why you went through my Word from cover to cover. You read what I said, but my Word was not enough. You were wanting to hear an audible voice from heaven, otherwise you considered your choice affirmed. Instead of reading my Word like facts to be believed, you were reading it like information to be disproven.

The wrestle you felt was not conflicting opinions or inconsistencies between your desires. But because I am Holy, I could not go where you were wanting to go, the life you were wanting to lead. The conflict you felt was my Spirit warning you that you were about to forfeit your salvation.

Your conscious was seared then, because I handed you over to a reprobate mind, to do what ought not to be done. But in my kindness and goodness, I kept you safe from harm until you came to your senses.”

I was deceived for well over a decade. I didn’t feel conviction because that’s the first function of the Holy Spirit and He’s the guarantee for the believer, or the one who obeys.

Many times I attempted to unalive myself and yet He thwarted every attempt and kept me. He knew how close I was to a hellacious eternity and in every one of those moments He showed me grave mercy, and I had no idea. Further proving that He’s not slow, but incredibly patient.

If you are actively living in a way that the Bible explicitly speaks against and yet believe that Heaven is your eternal home, I must tell you that you are deceived and your eternity is in danger.

If you are reading this, there is still time to turn away from these things and turn to Him.

I beg you, REPENT and be born again.

This life is too short and eternity is too long to love your sin more than you love God.

Today is the day of salvation.

Tomorrow may be too late.

Love you